By Jenise English, M.Ed., LPC
Copyright 2000. This article may not be reproduced in part or whole without express written permission from Celeritous Dancer, Chtd. and Best Selling Authors, LLC.
Tears streamed down her cheeks as she ran for her corner of safety. Fear and anguish covered her face, telling the story of where she had been. Unable to move, I stood watching, holding back my own tears as my heart raced. Physical pain pounded within me from the emotional experience. I wanted to reach out and hold her, keeping her from anymore hurt. I couldn't. Not only would I not allow myself to, but she must celebrate her own victory. She won! Yes, tears streamed, fear lingered but she had won.
It had happened three years prior. Friendship, laughter, infatuation. She was dark, cute, fun loving.
"Will you?"
"No." She said no. He didn't listen. Date rape.
She kept it hidden, pretending it didn't exist, wishing it would go away. She became hostile and belligerent while dying on the inside.
She requested counseling. Stories told, secrets shared. Weeks later in an angry outburst, she shared with her mother her story. Silence. Questions. Gripping pain. Tears. Tears of relief, of loss, of renewal.
Confidently she entered the "Untaming the Tamed Woman" workshop. She was ready for changes. With fists formed, she punched the bag with her partner. Her strength was incredible and reached beyond what she knew. With each learned kick, she blasted the bag. She worked herself, determined to overcome her own loss at age fourteen.
I had assisted several "Untamed" workshops with Dr. Chelona Edgerly but this was different. It was our first adolescent workshop. The energy level soared. We had to maintain high stamina to meet their vigor as we facilitated the group. And, I was highly intrigued with the little dark haired girl who appeared so determined. Wanting to give her the space she needed to perform her tasks, I moved to the other side of the room to assist the other female adolescents. As Chelona gently prodded and encouraged her, I observed the emotional changes already occurring.
As these young ladies learned the physical moves, their emotional beings were transformed. They punched, kicked, sparred, shared, cried. But would they use their learned skills?
Again, I focused on the little dark haired girl in the corner. She sat huddled with the others. Waiting. Wondering. Could they fight him off? She stood and slowly made her way to the middle of the room. The attack came quick and hard, bolting her. She quickly turned, kicking and yelling. Her body became a tool of strength and her voice one of demand. He was down. She beat him. Not just the man in the pads through an assimilated attack but the date rape. She can demand, she can fight, she can win.
Exhausted, hugging, laughing as they experienced their own victory, each girl found their own soul defense. As they left, thanking us for their experiences, I wondered what tomorrow or the next day would bring for them. Could they really defend themselves in any given situation?
A week later I stood facing the cute little dark haired girl from the workshop, bantering her with a few jabs and punches as I had done in the past. She had never fought back or attempted to defend herself. Today was different. Her brown eyes glared. Without any warning, her fist pulled back and struck. Doubling over, I grabbed my throbbing stomach, unable to speak. I had my answer. Once we as women internalize that we are strong, powerful beings, we can and will defend ourselves physically and emotionally.
I stood, tears swelling. She had won. She had become an untamed, empowered woman, defending herself. We hugged and cried.
"I am so proud of you," I told her.
"Thanks, mom."
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