Who Am I

By David W. Edgerly, Ph.D.

Copyright Untaming Programs 1999. This article may not be reproduced in part, or whole, without express written permission from Celeritous Dancer, Chtd.

www.untaming.com/archive12.html

Who am I? Who am I REALLY? A common questions of the 80's and 90's. The answer is easy. We'll get to the real question-the hard question-later.

"Who are you?" is almost a non-question. You are who you are at this moment, like it or not. Hopefully you like it.

This question is handled in two simple steps. First, where did you come from? What, from conception to today, built you, shaped you and effected you.

You are the daughter or son of your parents--married, divorced, living or dead. You are the sister or brother of your siblings. K through 12, give or take a few years, shaped you profoundly. Probably it was public school, maybe private or religious. If you moved a lot growing up then you saw places and cultures and met new people. If you lived in one place your whole life you knew stability, roots and had a narrow exposure to culture. Times with your friends shaped you. Rejections by scorned adolescent loves shaped you. The traumas and pleasures, the sadness and the pain--all shaped who you are. Hopefully you reminisce about the good times. Even though the politically correct obsession of this era is to obsess about the traumas, you will feel better if sometimes, maybe even mostly, you remember the friends, the laughter and the play. Take this inventory and you know half of who you are.

Step two is to ask the questions of when, where and under what circumstances. The pop-psychology of the era talks as though "you" are a static, singular being. You aren't. Guess what? Like a technological great new computer you are interactive. Imagine that!

Each of us behaves differently depending where, when and what's going on. How we act, feel, dress and talk changes based on the circumstances. I'll bet you dress and behave differently when you're painting your house, or going to church, or having passionate sex, or testifying in court. So which one is REALLY YOU? All of them! Fortunately you aren't just "one person". Just imagine dressing and behaving at church or work the way you did in your last passionate tryst! Good luck finding a bail bond.

Who we are is a melding of our history and our circumstance: our skills, hopes, dreams, failures, pains, relationships and education. Now for the tough question. The one people are really asking but afraid to say out loud.

Who do you WANT to be? The dangerous question. The bold question. The hard question. The meaningful question.

What makes this difficult is it requires us to become interactive in our own life. To take charge long enough to steer the pageant of our existence into something we create. At the end you get to own it in its entire splendor and with all its warts. If it works out as you dream, you own it. It is you. If it doesn't, you own it too. It's still you.

Of course, in all fairness, we still have to pose the when, where and what circumstances question. Do you crave being different in bed or at church? Do you crave jumping out of an airplane or knowing how to paint? Do you desire a new love or to re-ignite the one you are in? It makes a difference. Plus there's always the "and what will you transform into question". But from this question you are no longer the passive recipient of the universe declaring who you are. You become the author of your own life.

Take up your pen and write.

Archives of previous articles: