Strong Is Sexy
by Chelona Edgerly, Ph.D.
(Copyright 1996 All rights reserved. This article, in part or whole, may not be reproduced without written permission.)
Following our usual weightlifting at a local gym my husband and I decided to do some sparring to spruce up our skills for an upcoming kickboxing tournament. After several rigorous rounds of fighting quite a crowd had gathered to watch us fight. Between rounds as I walked past a group of men who had been watching I overheard one of them say, "Boy am I glad my wife doesn't know how to do that!" I thought to myself - how wrong you are. If your wife knew how to use her body as a physical tool of power she would in turn know much more about using her body as a sensual, sexual tool of enjoyment. The two go hand in hand. Strong women are sexy and we ought to be shouting it from the rooftops.
Power- is Power sexy? You bet it is! But we as a generation of women are only beginning to understand that this applies to us females as much as it does to males. We have often believed that powerful men were sexy. In fact Power and strength, whether physical, emotional or financial has been the stronghold of the male species. Strong and powerful men were and are sought after by the best and brightest females. Yet, the thought that strong and powerful women might be sought after too is just beginning to occur to females. Strong women are sexy too.
Teach a woman to be able to defend herself in the physical arena and her whole life will change. Teach her to Unleash her Power and be able to assert herself when attacked physically and she will never surrender again. Give her the skills which she needs to assert her equal power and strength and all areas of her life will change. Then - and only then - when she is truly in charge of her own body and life can she and will she unleash and enjoy the sensual, sexy, lusty side of her womanhood.
Women have swarmed to the latest and greatest exercise and fitness programs in search of something. Weight lifting and body building, once the domain of men, has now crept into mainstream American gyms and fitness centers as an arena for women. Women are beginning to show interest in their own biceps and triceps - not just those of their partners. But what it is that these women search for still eludes many of them. Some come because they believe that if they have the perfect body they will feel better about themselves and their lives. Some come because as their bodies begin to age they feel less in control of themselves and their world. A few come because they feel better when they exercise and it gives them more energy to face their days and incredible responsibilities. What few of these women know is that they are in fact coming in search of their Power.
Without much conscious awareness we are beginning to see the rise of Power Training around the country. Women's interest in weight training and body building is increasing. Exercise videos are hitting the market that use kickboxing and boxing as a form of cardiovascular workout. While there is no better workout training than kickboxing or boxing, these videos still miss the mark. They emphasize the exercise benefits rather than focusing on the Power Unleashing quality of this type of training.
For several years I have been working with women using the physical arena to assist them in unleashing their Power and learning about the Untamed side of womanhood. What is this Untamed side of womanhood? It is the storehouse of Power, long ago locked away deep inside the collective Feminine. It is a woman's repressed passion from generations of oppression; it is exhilarating desire, powerful and essential for one's fully embracing their life. It is the sensual, lusty side of womanhood that for years has been hidden because good girls don't enjoy sexual expression.
Women come to train in Power Unleashing for the first time apprehensive and embarrassed; walking silently into the training room. They are about to embark on the most important journey of their lives. Many of the women don't know it yet, but it will push them in ways they have never been pushed before. It will force them to face their fears; learn to deal with their anger and rage; and most of all help them to unleash their internal power which has, for so long, been kept in check.
As each new group embarks on their training they are fearful and self-conscious. The women are uncomfortable with themselves, their bodies and each other. As the training begins they hit and kick tentatively, with little force or power. As they throw their first punch or kick, an almost involuntary "I'm sorry, are you OK?" slips from their mouths. Tears flow or are fought back. Some are tears of frustration and rage, others are tears of hurt and pain. Eventually there are tears of release and joy as they experience their own Power and learn to Unleash and even delight in their Untamed side.
With each progressing week the women learn about themselves and about their internal power. They learn that they can take a punch and not surrender. Their kicks become strong and as they enjoy the sense of physical mastery. They begin to punch with power and find delight in hitting the mark. Anger is harnessed and used effectively in their own self defense. Their bodies become strong and their minds alert. They learn to find their voices and to shout from the center of their beings. As their screams become more powerful their speaking voices are more readily heard. By the end of several months of training they are becoming more comfortable with themselves and with using their bodies as an instrument of power.
Many of these women report that other people notice their changes as well. They walk differently; they talk differently; they present themselves in the world differently. And the world responds differently. The nurse can now aptly defend herself against an overbearing, autocratic doctor. The mother now speaks her mind with a voice and authority that is heard and respected. Relationship dynamics change as the power balance becomes equal and cooperation increases.
Physical and sexual relationships change as well. A woman who is not afraid of using her body as an instrument of power can choose to use it as an instrument of love. One cannot truly say "Yes" to sexual pleasure until one can truly say "NO" to sexual exploitation. With the development of physical strength and power a woman can say "NO" and make it stick. Consequently she can now honestly say "Yes" and with unabashed delight also allow herself the freedom to enjoy herself and her partner in a whole new way - unlocking passion that has until now been the domain of dreams and fantasies.
One of the most sexy and sensual experiences I have ever witnessed occurred on the beach between a male and female who were obviously trained in some area of the martial arts. Their sexual dance was one that incorporated their physical strength and their strong attraction to one another. Each was strong and confident both in body and spirit. There was domination - yet no violence occurred because each could easily defend themselves. Sex can be an aggressive act and such aggression usually occurs at the expense of one or the other of the couple. With this particular couple no such aggression occurred because with equal power such aggressive behavior is useless. Their dance was one of strong kicks coupled with strong passion. Body enjoying body - spirit enthralled with spirit. Nothing could be sexier!
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